How to Face Hard Feelings

 

Everyone in his life has repeated experiences of getting Hard Feelings. Some have more while others may have fewer instances of hurt feelings. This is a habit which is haunting even children in their tender age. Its negative effects are visible at physical, mental, emotional and social levels.

It is a general practice of not agreeing to others point of view, be it a suggestion or a conversation. There is difference of opinion among the people on various issues of life. It happens so, if ‘someone’ has said ‘something’ to the other, which he does not like and gets ‘hurt’. People have habit of getting hurt so easily and so quickly as if they have sold their happiness and peace of mind to the others at no cost. Any person can make him happy or sad with one small statement or little harsh words. It seems he is remotely controlled by others and does not have his own identity or individuality.

Do you also get hurt by others so easily?

Have you ever tried to know the reason of getting hurt feeling? Majority of time there are silly and insignificant reasons of getting hurt. Mostly you get hurt with family members, relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, business associates, co-workers and other near and dear ones. Degree of hurt ness depends on the intimacy with the offender. The greater is the intimacy, more is the hurt feeling.

This hurt feeling further leads one to resentment, hatred, envy, anger, jealousy and depression. All these negative symptoms are extremely harmful for body leading to various diseases. Anger, which is one of the common outcomes of hurt feeling, results in excessive release of adrenaline from adrenal gland, in the body. This may cause ulcer, diabetes, heart disease, paralysis, cancer and many more fatal diseases.

It is therefore advisable to keep away from the harmful habit of getting hurt felt. A sense of patience is required. You need to understand feelings and sentiments of others before reacting to his words. Even if someone’s words are harsh and unacceptable to you, why should you get annoyed and hurt felt?

Please note, no body on earth can you hurt you without your consent.

Instead of reacting to his words, it is better to first keep an eye on your own actions and your behavior. You must be the judge of your own attitude. It is you who can understand you better. In case you have any problem relating to your negative habits, only you can solve this problem. No one else can help you in this regard. You will have to change only one person on this earth that is you. It will take care of all your problems relating to your hurt feeling and subsequent harmful effects on body and mind.

If you analyze the reasons of getting hurt, you may find that there was no apparent reason of getting hurt. You might have created a hill out of a mole and unnecessarily felt hurt for a least important issue. There is also a possibility that no one was at fault, rather your mind was aggressive for some or the other reason or you were disturbed with some of your problems. It is usually observed that in abnormal and unfavorable situations, human mind is provoked and thinks negatively. If it happens with you, there is possibility of getting hurt merely on others comments.

Here are few suggestions to keep you away from getting hurt.

1. Sleep over a cup of tea:

Do not remind yourself of the incidence of hurt feeling. Keep you engaged in some constructive work and forget the incidence. After few days, when you are calm, analyze the incidence. There is a possibility; you may find that this incidence occurred due to some of your fault, misunderstanding or your high headedness. In such circumstances, you may accept your mistake and forgive the offender and also ask for forgiveness from him.

2.  Airing out:

At times in spite of your efforts you are unable to forget the incidence and to forgive the offender. You are keen to take revenge because of hatred in your mind. In such circumstances, you can air out your hurt feelings. Write a letter to the one, who has hurt you, pouring all your anguish and hatred. It must be one of the harshest letters you have ever written. Keep this letter under the pillow of your bed. Read this letter every night before going to bed and keep it back under the pillow.

For next couple of days see the effect of this letter on you. The day you realize that your hurt feelings are eased, you should forgive the person who has hurt you. Tear off this letter or burn it. Do not allow anyone else to read this letter. Fill your heart with feelings of forgiveness.

Alternatively, you may write unanimous mail on a suitable website. Read it everyday till you forgive the person.

3. Catharsis:

This is another way to vent your anguish. Lock you in a room and take a pillow and beat it with a stick. Else you may punch the sand bag with boxing gloves considering you are hitting the person, who has offended you. Go on beating or punching till you are tired or satisfied having taken the revenge from the concerned person.

4.  Spiritual Iodine:

If you know the offender, think of his good and noble deeds of past and his positive attitude. Recall the incidences he has been kind and co-operative to you in past. If you do not know him, still you can think of something good about the person. Fill your heart with love and feelings of forgiveness towards him.

5. Go to a different place:

When you have felt hurt, sometimes change of place helps. Thus it is advisable to move away from the place of incidence where you had confrontation with the person.

6.   Control your Anger:

In case you are annoyed, remind yourself of not getting angry. Open your fists immediately and reduce the pitch of your voice. Start counting from one to hundred and repeatedly remind the self with this affirmation,

“Don’t be a fool. This anger is detrimental for my health and for my wellbeing. Why am I angry?”

Take a glass of water with lime. Sit comfortably and take few deep breaths for five to ten minutes depending on the intensity of your anguish. Pray God to fill your heart with spiritual love. You may repeat following affirmation for ten to twelve minutes,

“Peace and be still.”

It will greatly help you getting rid of hurt feeling.

7.   Give heeds to others problems and difficulties:

Gather information about the person who has offended you. There is a possibility; he might be having certain difficulties or worries. He might have hurt you unintentionally under the influence of his genuine problems. In case, he is genuinely having problems, you may offer him a helping hand and co-operate him in overcoming his difficulties. Do it immediately. You may help him financially, if he needs money. Give him mental and emotional support. You may repeat following affirmation ten to twenty times to feel good and happy,

“May the love of God fill my heart. May the love of God fill me for …………..(Name of the person who has hurt you.)”

Your helping hand will not only make him normal but also help you getting rid of your hurt feeling with a sense of satisfaction and contentment.

Moreover, nature always makes someone a medium for implementation of ‘Karma’ of persons. This medium is a messenger of the God for implementation of your karma and is acting like a postman who delivers your letters. As you don’t hold responsible a postman for negative news, similarly this person is not responsible for your hurt feelings. Now for the sake of generating positive karma, you may speak positive about this person and fill your thoughts with kindness and love for him.

8.   Ultimate Solution:

Hurt feeling must be considered as an incidence which could be equated to a bird’s dropping on your shirt and it is stained. What would you do in such a situation? You will allow getting it dried and then remove the same from the shirt.

Similarly, in case of getting hurt, keep quiet for some and keep yourself busy in some constructive work and let the memory of hurt feeling get ‘dried’ i.e. fade away over the period of time. Try to forget the feelings of hurt.

There are chances, in spite of your efforts to try to forget the situation and still you are feeling offended and hurt. It means, stain of bird’s dropping is still on the shirt, though dried portion is removed.

What will you do to remove the stain? The easiest way to remove the stain is to wash the shirt with a detergent. You will do the same.

Now the pain of hurt feeling is to be removed from the mind. You can erase the memory of hurt feeling in a similar way, by forgiving the one who has hurt you. Forgiveness is a kind of ‘detergent’. To forgive others you can take help of following affirmation. Repeat the same in your mind.

“I lovingly forgive and forget everyone who has ever offended or hurt me.”

In most of the cases, pain of your hurt feeling will be vanished once you forgive the offender. But in some cases, you may still be feeling deeply hurt and are unable to be in normal state of mind. It is possible in case where there is intense love or deep hatred towards the offender.

It seems, even detergent is not effective in removal of the stain from the shirt because of its intensity. It is difficult to erase.

Next option to remove the stain is to give the shirt to the laundry. They have expertise in erasing stains and it seems to be the ultimate solution. Now the stain from the shirt is removed at the laundry. It is spotless now.

In a similar fashion, you will hand over the problem of hurt felt to the God and pray,

“I am unable to get out of hurt feeling even after forgiving ……… (Name of offender who has hurt you) and am therefore handing over this problem to you with total faith that this problem of hurt feeling will be solved now.”

With your deep faith mixed with emotions of forgiveness, you will certainly be coming out of hurt feeling. There are no more ill feelings or grudges against the offender. Seeking the help of Almighty God is the ultimate solution to get over the feelings of hurt.

9.   Forgive and Forget:

To be one of the happiest persons on this earth, you will have to learn to forgive others for their faults. It is the most important virtue of human beings. The essence of the Bible is forgiveness. In Jain scriptures of India, out of ten virtues of humanity, forgiveness has been accorded the highest place. To forgive others and asking for forgiveness of your own faults is considered one of the most courageous acts of the person.

In the initial stages, it may seem difficult to forgive those they are continuously offending and hurting you. Practice makes a man perfect. You need to continuously practice and cultivate a habit to forgive others, no matter how big his fault may be. Seek forgiveness for your faults.

You must forgive others and forgive the self now. This habit of forgiveness is essentially required to be cultivated for the sake of your good health and happiness. Your heart should always be filled with thoughts of forgiveness. To forgive others you must repeat following affirmation continuously,

“With God’s help I forgive now.”

10.  Don’t hurt others:

There is an appropriate proverb from Bible, “As you sow so shall you reap” (Galatians VI). The same is mentioned in Vedas and Upanishads. It says whatever will be your deeds; you will have to repay as a result of the same. Hurting others and causing harm to others will lead you to hurt feelings and harm to you in one or the other way.

It is therefore advisable to keep away from the habit of hurting others. Do not criticize abuse, imitate, disgrace or hurt others by your words and deeds. The law of Karma plays its role in repaying for your deeds and actions. My friend Mr. Dang once quoted,

“Do not curse God for not answering your prayers immediately, but you should be thankful to Him for not penalizing you immediately for your sins.”

In Gita, it says,

“Saknotihaiva yah sodhum praksariravimoksanat 

Kamakrodhodbhavam vegam sa yuktah sa sukhi narah.” – Gita Ch V, V 23

Means, He who is able to withstand even here, before liberation from the body, the force arising from desire and anger, he is a yogi, he is a happy man.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” ~ Dalai Lama

“Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all.” ~ Ovid

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”~ Matthew 5:22

“I feel like God has forgiven me of so much, that I will forgive everyone who has hurt us.” ~ Jim Bakker

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

“We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it comes to mind. It travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us while we make love, and broods over us while we die. Our hate does not even have the decency to die when those we hate die–for it is a parasite sucking OUR blood, not theirs. There is only one remedy for it.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes

“Slanderers do not hurt me because they do not hit me.” ~ Socrates

“Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.” ~ Leo Buscaglia  

“Regrets and recriminations only hurt your soul.”  ~ Armand Hammer

“Dance like no one is watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening. Live like it’s heaven on earth.”  ~ William Purke

Attitude of Gratitude: We are highly thankful to Admin, LetsBePositive for made available purposeful information which inspire us to re-produce the same again for all.